Tag Archives: open letter

An Open Letter to Spirit Airlines, LaGuardia

Dear Spirit Airlines,

As I sit here in LaGuardia Airport long after the flight to my friend’s wedding in Mexico was supposed to take off I admit that it would be easy to blast you with expletives and trash the customer service. However, I’ll refrain. I am a firm believer that life’s best lessons are found in emotionally challenging moments and this one is packed with oh so many lessons – certainly more than the number of bags packed on that plane. You’re probably going to get some nasty notes from my fellow passengers so I hope that this comes as a more uplifting communication.

First, I recently learned in the Dalai Lama’s book on happiness that a “sedentary life” is like a present perpetually wrapped. With that in mind, thank you for having Zone 1 line up to board and waiting for twenty minutes to make the announcement that you should not have done that and don’t actually know when boarding will begin. The fact that the first first flight of the day has a last minute mechanical issue was not your fault, you told us so yourselves. After waking up at 3am to make my 6:45 flight, sitting in that airport chair was just lulling me back to sleep and into the dreaded ‘sedentary life’ anyway. Honestly, and I mean this, standing really helped to get the blood flowing. As the sun peaked over the rooftops of Queens, I felt alive.

Did you happen to catch the Oprah show where the pediatrician lectured on childhood obesity? I’m guessing you did because after the standing and then sitting back down again, having all of the people with children begin boarding only to have them come back up the ramp again really got those little hearts going. Although it was only one repetition I’m sure some calories were burned. Crying burns calories too, I think.

And I hate to bring my own personal issues to the discussion, but this experience has brought to light something I’ve felt for a long time.  It’s hard to meet anyone in New York. Honestly, with so many people here that may seem counter intuitive, but it’s true. That’s why I’m so glad that after our flight was delayed for, well now it’s been nearly three hours, you still had the passengers on next departing flight come to the same gate. I had never met any of them before! Some really nice folks. In GQ a few months ago it said that you have to meet 40 people before you can make one lasting connection. Those are terrible odds. But with that in mind I am on my way to making at least five new connections. No, not flight connections, personal ones.

Before I go (No, not to my friend’s wedding. I have to find some Advil), and above all, thank you for teaching me how to communicate in a cynical, ineffective and at times rambling manner with a message riddled with misinformation. Without that lesson this email would have simply been explatives and trash talk.

Yours Truly,
(formerly) Seat 2B

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An Open Letter to the Guy Who Brought an iPad into McSorely’s Old Ale House, NYC

Dear guy who brought the iPad into McSorely’s,

This may come as a shock, because you didn’t take your eyes off of the ultra-high resolution screen in front of your face, but McSorely’s is a traditional place. I think the wrinkled and chipped photo of the “McSorely Nine” baseball team, all with mustaches that would make any Williamsburgian hipster tear up with pride should have tipped you off. If that didn’t do it, then perhaps Houdini’s handcuffs, the saw dust on the floor or dust-laden chandelier would have done it. Actually, you should watch the iPad around all that dust — can’t be good for it.

I understand how proud you must feel to show off your new iPad to your friends. If I had one I’m sure I’d want to let them feel how thin it is, slide their fingers across the touch screen and then snatch it back with a smirk and say, “Get your own.”  

But not in McSorely’s, man.

Have a brew.  Talk it out.  Check out one of the few women who are brave enough (and awesome enough) to walk through it’s iron grate doors. 

McSorely’s is one of those rare spots with the power to transport you to another time, another state of mind.  How many places in America have both Abe Lincoln and John Lennon, and a myriad of other notables, downed a pint in?  It’s a special escape.  That’s why you go there.  It’s certainly not for the food or the amazing array of beers (McSorely’s Light or McSorely’s Dark).  But you have to let it do it’s magic and embrace it for what it is.  Abe would have left the iPad in his cabin.  And, if he wouldn’t have brought his iPad, then, my friend, I believe your unconscionable act spits in the face of presidents.  It defies the constitution.  And is as unAmerican as french, I mean freedom fries (which McSorely’s doesn’t serve), tango (which McSorely’s thinks is a Sylvester Stallone character from the late 80’s), and falafel (which you can get down the street and is actually quite tasty).

Next time, think before you bring your iPad into historic bars.  Abraham Lincoln would have wanted it that way. And John Lennon too.  Don’t tell me you don’t like the Beatles now, too? 

See you at the bar.

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